


For Your Eyes Only

by Niall_Princess_Horan



Category: Narry - Fandom, Niall Centric - Fandom, Niall Horan/Harry Styles - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Bobby is a dick, Cancer.niall, Caring Harry, Liam is 22, M/M, Niall Horan/Harry Styles Smut, Niall is 15, Niall-centric, Nurse Liam, Nurse Louis, POV Harry Styles, Sad Ending, Sick Niall, Slight Smut, You Have Been Warned, harry is 17, louis is 23, mentions anne, narry fic, not loads, really sad, reception zayn, tissues needed, zayn is 20
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-08-12 14:08:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7937605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niall_Princess_Horan/pseuds/Niall_Princess_Horan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's hard to wait around for something knowing it might never happen, but it's even harder giving up, when it's everything you've ever wanted.<br/>================================<br/>"What's wrong? Niall, What's wrong?" i ask, frantic.<br/>"I'm just- i'm scared Haz" he cries, clutching my shirt as though it's his last life line.<br/>"I've got you babe. I'm right here."<br/>"I don't wanna die Harry" he mumbles, and i feel my heart break. I don't want him to die either. it's not fair.</p><p>The last thing i hear before i fall asleep is Niall say 'I wanted to marry you'.<br/>================================<br/>Niall has terminal cancer and Harry is the only person keeping him together, but who's keeping Harry together?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>P.S. you can follow me on Twitter @meganls11<br/>But my names Riley :/</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Harry P.O.V "Thank you Sir" i say with a small smile. I grab the sheets of paper and stuff them in my bag, zip it up then rest it over my shoulder. Making my way towards the door i leave the classroom (and English lesson) behind me.

once outside the class room, i feel a few stray tears falling down my cheeks, brushing them off swiftly, i make my way our of the building toward the car park to find my car. After locating my little red mini, i pull out of the school car park and head home.

The drive is silent aside from my breathing. After a few minutes i tune into Capital FM, using their talking as background noise. A few minutes more pass by and 'Now you're gone' comes on, i twist the volume dial slightly to increase the sound. "Now you're gone, i realise my love for you was strong. And i miss you here now you're gone" i sing softly to myself.

Approximately 10 minutes later i reach home and park up on the side of the curb. Leaving my bag on the passenger seat, i lock the car door and head inside.

"Mum" i call out, glancing at my phone. 9:03 am - She'll be at work. I head upstairs, taking my shirt off on the way, when i reach the landing i turn right into the bathroom. I take off my brown boots, socks, black jeans and green boxers, throwing them to one side. I step into the shower and turn on the water. Once i've washed my hair with shower gel (We're out of shampoo) i leave the conditioner on while i scrub my body with soap and a sponge.

When i have finished scrubbing, i wash my hair and body the get out of the shower, picking up my boots and a towel on my way. Once in my room i launch my boots near my bed and fling the towel over my shoulder. I only realise i'm crying when i rub my hands over my face. when i started i have no idea. I scrub my face furiously with my hands and walk to find some clothes. I throw on some clean boxers, Black skinny jeans and a white top.

On my way down the stairs, i tie my shoulder length, curly hair in a bun, out of my face. My phone reads 9:14 AM when i next check the time, so i grab my car keys and head out.

 

8.6 miles later, i park up.

The journey was quiet and almost... lifeless? I glance at the tall, oversized building, grab my school bag from the passengers seat and get out of the car. Locking the door with the button on my way inside.

I am greeted by the feeling of cleanliness and a smiling man on reception. Zayn - my mind supplies. I smile at him and he gestures me over. i stop around a foot away from him.

"Hey" Zayn says, Bradford accent, thick as can be.

"Hi" i reply, my own voice raspy from the crying i have done.

"How are you holding up?" he asks, scratching one of the many tattoos on him left arm. I have a feeling that under different circumstances, Zayn and i could have been really good friends, we're roughly the same height and build and both have random looking tattoos literally covering our arms. The only main difference being, Zayn is 20 and i'm only 17

"Not too bad i guess, got a new essay for English today, that needs doing for Friday" i mumble.

"It's Tuesday now, will you finish in time?" Zayn asks, concern in his voice.

"I'll do it while he sleeps. I should actually get going" I say, glancing at my phone, 9:26 Am.

"Of course, you know where i am"

"Thank you Zayn" i say, then make my way towards the lifts.

I'm here so often i could navigate the route in my sleep. 36 steps from the reception desk is the cleaning cupboard. step 78 gets me to the the toilets. step 122 is the lift. i press the button and it arrives nearly automatically. I step in and select floor 3.

A few moments later the doors open on floor three. i step out and take a deep breath, mentally preparing myself for the day. I tried to be the one that was all smiles and cheerful, but it didn't last long. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, it's just impossible to keep smiling.

I reach room 16 and tap lightly on the door, then twist the handle and slip inside. After gazing around the small, un-personalised and pretty empty room, i sigh. The room is depressing as Fuck.

There's no character or representation of the person staying here. No color. It's just white and boring. I sigh again. But despite everything, i can't help smiling when i see my boy. All beautiful, tucked up in bed, with a little smile on his face, his dreams taking him to a carefree place.

He is stunning. He looks happy. Normal even. Except... when did he lose that much weight. When did his cheeks sink in so much and his skin turn so pale. His frame look tiny in the oversized bed. Then i remind myself, the bed is a normal size, it's a standard single bed. That must mean that my boy has lost more weight than i thought.

I wonder forwards and sit in the chair beside him, taking his right hand in both of mine. His hand is cold, so i make a mental note to ask one of the nurses for an extra blanket.

"You and i, we don't wanna be like them. We can make it till the end" i sing, then press a kiss to his temple.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Niall shifts slightly under my touch and opens his blue eyes, blinking a few times to adjust to the light.

"Hey Haz" he whispers, squeezing my hand slightly. I can tell it took a lot of strength, but i hardly felt it. Another sign i'm losing him.  
"Hey Mr. How are you feeling" i reply, my voice low to avoid it cracking and indicating to him I've been crying.  
"A bit sore, have more tests soon, think they said 'bout an hour" he mumbles, struggling to keep awake.

It's killing me. My boy is in pain and i have no power to fix it. There is nothing i can do to make him feel better. It's like having something that means to world to you, sat in front of you in agony and crying out with fear, but all you can do is watch. You can't move. You can't speak. And you can't do anything to help. Powerless. That's what i am.

"I'll go with you" i reply, knowing how much he fears needles, even after all this time. He smiles in response and i know it was the right thing to do. I kiss his hand gently and use my left hand to stroke the fluffy blonde hair that is thinning in places.

4 Minutes later he is out for the count, i slip my hand out of his and fish out my English book and pen, Along with the reading material 'Of mice and men' from the bag dumped near the bottom of the bed.

I finished reading the book weeks ago, so i skip straight to the questions and start writing, Looking at the book every now and then for Quotes and cross referencing purposes.

 

I finish the essay around an hour later and text my mum to ask her to take it to school for me.

Then nurse Liam, come in shortly after to take Niall for the tests.

"Hey babe" i whisper as he looks at me.  
"Hey Hazza" he mutters, scratching his chin.  
"Ready?"  
"Born ready" he says, sitting up. I want to believe him, but i can see the fear in his eyes.

"I love you" i say, kissing the top of his head.  
"I love you too Harry. How much do you love me?" he replies. He does this a lot. Wants reassurance that i'm not going to leave him. That he won't have to face this alone.  
"To the stars and back" i say, kissing his lips softly. He kisses back instantly and i stroke his cheek with my thumb. The kiss is soft but meaningful, i don't ask for entrance as i want this to be promise. A promise to Niall that i won't leave.

We break apart when the door clicks shut, a signal that nurse Liam is back with the wheelchair.

I lift Niall into the chair and follow the nurse to the designated room.

Niall has a theory for my 'over obsessive' helpfulness. Apparently i am over helpful with all the physical stuff such as, Helping him to the toilet, bathing him and getting him edible food and not the hospital shit they serve, because i can't do anything to help with the actual pain. Like when he has needles jabbed in him, and when he is throwing up due to the medication. I do my best with the emotional pain. Comfort him when he cries for hours, sit with him through all his tests and injections and sing him to sleep before i leave.

I don't cry.

Not because i don't feel the need to. But because i don't want him to see the pain i am in, not while he is suffering so much more. I'm losing him, but he's losing life. To be honest, i'm not sure which is worst, losing your life, or losing the only person who is your life.

I can't cry in front of him. It will just make him feel worse. I'm supposed to be the strong one. So no one needs to know that i sit on the window ledge in his room and cry while he sleeps. No one needs to know that i cry myself to sleep every night, using my pillow as a pathetic compromise. No one needs to know i have given up football, band practice and flunked my GCSE's and essentially the rest of my life to be with him. All so he doesn't have to face his final battle alone.

I still do the majority of my school work, but not in a classroom, the exam board have told me (After hearing my situation) that i can do the work outside the classroom (So i'm basically teaching myself) meaning I'm failing pretty much every subject, except English, which i seem to be a natural at.

 

Once in the test room, i help Niall into the chair and take his hand. There are other people in the room, some have a friend of family member with them, some are by themselves.

Liam makes sure Niall is comfy before inserting a needle through a vain in his wrist. Niall winces as the needle is put in place then held down with medical tape. I kiss his head and mumble 'it's okay'. Liam then leaves to see another patient and says he will be back in an hour when the session of tests are over.

Liam is nice. He's around 23 and very well built. He, along with Louis, is Niall's main nurse and carer while he's in hospital. Louis is smaller, but nice too, he's a lot louder than Liam, but they're both friendly enough to make me think Niall is safe when i'm not there.

Liam calls Niall's Chemotherapy sessions 'Tests' as they aren't going to save his life. They can't. The cancer is terminal. But they are tests to help him live longer.

It's Louis that comes back an hour later after the tests are done. He takes out the needle and hand niall a drink to wash his mouth from the vomit. we help Niall into the chair. Louis disposes of the bucket that was left to catch the sick.  
Unfortunately It's common with the treatment given.

 

Once back in Niall's room i tuck him into bed as Louis fills in the charts at the bottom of the bed.

"I need the toilet. Sorry, i know I'm annoying" He mumbles, trying to sit up. I help him and hug him close.  
"You are not annoying. You are my boyfriend and i love you. If i minded helping, i wouldn't be here, but i am, hence, i don't mind" I say then kiss the side of his head.

I assist him walking to the toilet and go inside. I close the door behind us. Niall lifts his Green shirt as i pull down the grey shorts and boxers, then move my hands quickly to his hips to aid him sitting. Once he is sat safely, i turn around the give him some privacy. A minute or so later, the weeing stops and i ask if he's done, to which he mutters a shy 'yeah'. I help him wipe and re-adjust his clothing before he washes his hands as i do the chain.

Then i get my boy back to bed.

 

After a small nap, Niall wakes up and say he feels a lot better, considering.

 

When my mum comes in an hour later, Niall and i are sat playing cards.  
"Do you have a 3" Niall asks smiling at my mum as she sits down.  
Erm, no, Go fish" i reply after scanning my cards. Niall is definitely better at this game than me, i'm holding half the deck while Ni has 6 cards. Well, 7 now he's picked up.

I put my cards down to pass my mum the essay i wrote.

"What's that" Niall questions  
"My English essay. Do you have a 6"  
"Oh, When did you do that? And yeah, here" he says, handing over the 6 of hearts.  
"Thanks" i mumble putting the 6's on the table "I did it while you were asleep earlier"  
"You should be in the lessons" He says, anger present in his voice.  
"I want to be here. you know the agreement i have with the exam board. It means i get to spend more time with you." i say, trying not to get annoyed.  
"I don't want you throwing away your future" he whispers, cards long forgotten.  
"I'm not. I'll still graduate and if i fail this year, i can resit. I don't care. I love you, and if i had to choose between spending time with you or getting my grades, i would chose you. Every time. I love you. And i would live here with you if Liam would let me. I've asked, numerous times, and he won't." i say, green eyes holding his blue.  
"I love you Harry" he yawns, sleep catching up on him.

"Right, i'm going to get off, i have to hand this in" My mums says, waving my essay around.  
"Bye" we say in unison, as i lay Niall down.

"Cuddle me" Niall demands.

I climb into the bed and lay on my back. Niall adjusts and lays his head and arm on my chest, throwing his leg over mine. i put one arm on his back and run the other through his hair.

We do this a lot (Even though Liam plays hell with me for it, Louis finds it cute which is a plus)

5 minutes later Niall is asleep and i follow not long after.

 

When i wake up a few hours later, Niall is still sleeping, and drooling on my shoulder. I shuffle out of bed and lay him on a pillow as i head off to relieve my bladder.

After the toilet trip, i sit on the window ledge with my feet up and rest my head on my knees, gazing at the people below.

I envy them. Those people down there, with out a care in the world. Then i remind myself, they might have battles too. Even though they can't be seen, people do have scars. It's hard, not knowing if everything will be okay, if you'll make it. It's hard to wait around for something knowing it might never happen, but it's even harder giving up, when it's everything you've ever wanted.

That's how Niall makes me feel. I know he is going to die. The doctors have confirmed he only had 5 months to live. That was three months ago. It's so hard being here, watchng him die, while i'm wishing and praying that the doctors got it wrong.But i know they didn't. I can see it. I'm losing him.

But i can't leave him, his mother died in labour with him and his father abandoned him when he found out about the cancer, he didn't want to 'deal with a burden'.

 

I remember when he first started our school.

He had just moved and arrived halfway through the maths class. He was wearing a tight grey polo, Black skinny jeans and white Supras with a bag slung over his shoulder. He had an interesting cheeky little grin on his face. We all know who he is, we've been expecting him. Although he's only in year 10, he's taking year 11 maths. Smart arse.

"Sorry, I got a tad lost" he smiles at Mr hardwick, Irish accent thick and broad.  
"That's okay, you must be Niall, take a seat" Hardwick smiles.

I remember the seat on my left being the only one free, as Joey was in Turkey.

He sat down and he both very un-subtly checked each other out. He looked cute, but very innocent. Obviously a virgin. My smirk grew. I wanted him.

 

I remember our first conversation.

"That should be 47 not 32" Niall said, pointing to one of my answers.  
"You multiply then divide" i said, rather pissed at being corrected.  
"No, you divide then multiply" he said, smirking.  
I changed the answer just to humour him, when the answers came back, it turns out he was right. Yup. He's a Smart arse.

 

I remember asking him to go on a date with me.

He was sat with his friends at lunch, the were all pissing about. My palms were sweaty and my throat went dry. i had to remind myself how to walk so i didn't look like a tool.

I wandered from my group of friends over to his group, giving myself a pep talk on the way "You can do this Harry. Just ask him. It's not that hard. He's fit. I'm fit. Lets date". I smiled as i make it successfully to the table with out falling over my long limbs.

I squashed my arse onto the little plastic chair Niall was on, he shuffled left a bit to make room for me, giving me a questioning look.  
"Hey" i said.  
"Hello" he laughed.  
"I was wondering something"  
"No. I'm not doing your maths homework. I know you suck at it, but it's not happening" he replied.  
"No, that's not, erm, would you like to go out with me sometime" i mumble, but i know he (And the rest of the table if the giggles were anything to go by) understood what i said.  
"Like a date"  
"Shit. I mean erm, yeah. Sorry, i just assumed you were gay" i said looking at the table and feeling my cheeks heat up.  
"Oh, no, i am gay. i just wanted to make sure we were on the same page" he smiled.  
"So, is that a yeah?"  
Sure, didn't have you down as gay though" he blurted out.  
"Bi, i like girls too" i laughed.  
"Well that's just greedy" he laughed.  
We exchanged numbers and doubled checked they were right before parting ways.

 

I remember our first date.

I pulled up outside Niall's house and make my way up the path, tapping on the door lightly. Outside the house was pretty standard, little lawn with the occasional flower and white gloss work.

A moment later, Niall came out and shouted "Bye dad" the reply came before he closed the door "Bye son, back by 10:30". i peeked at his outfit. Black skinny jeans and a white polo, with his usual white Supras.

We made our way to the car and i opened to door for him, he giggled out a "Thank you" and we both got in the car.

There was a comfortable silence as Niall fiddled with the radio stations, settling with one with Nick Grimshaw.

"You look really good" i said, focusing on the road.  
"Thank you" he blushed.

A short while later, One direction's 'love you goodbye' came on.  
(Authors note: I know They are one direction, but lets pretend, for the sake of the story, the songs were still published and 1D are still a band)

"It's inevitable, everything that's good comes too an end. It's impossible to know if after this we can still be friends, yeah" Niall sang the first line out loud, his voice soft and shy, but the notes were practically perfect with the song.

I don't sing. Normally. But Niall had sang in front of me, so i felt obliged to sing the next few lines "I know you're saying you don't wanna hurt me, well maybe you should show a little mercy. The way you look i know you didn't come to apologise". I belted out full volume. I felt my cheeks heat up, i had just shouted, word for word, a flipping one direction song in front of the boy i'm trying to impress.

Niall laughed. Loud and carefree. I threw caution to the wind and laughed with him.  
We sand the next verse in unison "unforgettable together held the whole world in our hands. Unexplainable a love that only we could understand".  
Niall sang the next line in to his hand, poised as a microphone "I know there's nothing i can do to change it" he laughed.  
"But is there something that can be negotiated, i sang into the mic.  
"My hears already breaking baby, go on twist the knife" we sang together, giggling as i pulled into a parking bay.

We saw the hunger games, mockingjay, Part 2. Niall bounced on the tips of his feet while we were in the queue.

I payed for 2 tickets, two large cokes and a large bucket of popcorn to share.  
"You didn't have to pay for everything"  
"I asked you on the date, and i wanted to" i replied.

After the film i took Niall home and walked him to the front door. I glanced at my watch, 10:21, 9 minutes till curfew. 

The text thing i knew, Niall was on his tiptoes and his lips were against mine. I kissed back immediately and placed my hands on his slim hips to steady him, as he locks his hands behind my neck, pulling me closer to him. I swiped my tongue over Niall's bottom lip and asked for entrance, he accepted and my tongue slipped into his mouth. We fought for dominance for around 20 seconds then he gave in and just let me dominate.

A cough from the door way make us break apart.  
"Hi dad" Niall mumbles, facing his dad.  
"Glad you're home in one piece, Niall. you must be Harry" he says, holding his hand out for me to shake.  
"Yeah, erm Hi" i say, lamely  
"2 minutes then inside Niall." he says then walks back inside. (I got the impression he didn't like me)  
He pecked my lips again, thanked me for the lovely evening and went inside.

I waited for the door to close before going to my car and driving home. I texted Niall once home (His request) and told my mum all about the date. I won't confirm, but can't deny, there was girlish squealing.

 

I swing my head upright, only to whack it on the side of the window frame. muttering a string of curses, i wander over to Nialls bed to see him sat talking to my mum.

I make my way over and peck him on the lips, my mum hands me a ham sandwich and i smile as a thank you.

"How long have you been up" i ask, giving Niall half the sandwich.  
"Since your mum came in about 20 minutes ago, i heard the door and thought you were leaving" he mutters, looking at his fingers fiddling with his t-shirt.

I push his body forwards slightly, and sit myself behind him, he settles against my chest as i say "I am not going anywhere baby". Once again i am grateful with the significant size difference between us.

We stay talking and laughing about past times until Louis comes and says visiting hours are long since over.

My mum waits outside as i say goodbye to Niall and kiss him softly. We exchange 'i love you's' and i took him in before leaving to find my car.

 

8.6 miles later, i pull up outside.

One inside i go straight upstairs and collapse face first onto my bed. I roll onto my side and pull my legs up to my chest burying my face in my knees. I know i'm crying. I can feel the tears falling down my face, i choke out a cough, and am fully aware of the snot dripping from my nose, but i couldn't care less.

My body is shaking as i choke out another sob.I feel arms around me and mumble 'go away'. the arms don't listen and i am rolled over. My mum tucks me into her chest and rubs my back.

 

Her arms are tight around me, and she is seriously invading my personal space, but i have never felt more alone. She tells me 'it's okay' and i cry even more. It's not okay. Nothing is okay. Niall is dying and i can't save him. Niall is 15. 15 Years old and he has 2 months to live.

 

I wake up a few hours later naked, no surprise there, i tend to strip in my sleep.

I pull on some boxers check the time on my phone 3:12. after using the toilet i tip toe into my mums room and slide into bed. I know it's weird and possibly illegal but i just wan a mum hug. I pull the duvet up to my chin and she jolts up, gazing round then settling her eyes on me. she sighs.

"Sorry" i mumble, voice hoarse from crying.  
"It's okay, but you can't sleep in here" she sighs, stroking my hair.  
"I know" i reply, getting up and walking back to my own room.

A few minutes later, mum comes in with a hot chocolate , and a green straw for me and sits on my bed.

"It will get easier"  
"I doubt it" i mutter  
"Harry, you will get throu-"  
"I don't wanna get through this if it means losing Niall. He's dying. I know that. But i can't stop it. I love him so much it physically hurts. He's not just my boyfriend, he's my best friend. I don't. I don't want him to die mum" i cry into her chest.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

Da Da Daaaaaaaaaaa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeeek .....so that's that chapter! Opinions??


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get the tissues guys :(

HARRY P.O.V

The next few weeks are a blur of going to get my school work. Travelling to the hospital. Doing work while Niall sleeps. Sitting with Niall through injections. Reassuring him that even though he has lost 93% of his hair, he is still beautiful. Travelling from the hospital. Getting my mum to hand the work in for me. Crying myself to sleep. Then doing it all over again.

 

The first time Niall stops breathing, i'm at the hospital with him. He's laid in bed (Which is all he has the energy for) and i'm on the chair at the side of him, holding his hand and singing softly. I am careful to avoid the needle in his arm, hooking him to some breathing machine. His breathing falters and the breathing machine starts beeping frantically as opposed to the one beep every 3 seconds. I stand up as his body goes limp and 2 nurses along with Liam come rushing into the room and shoving me out of the way.

Everything is a blur as i collapse on the floor, before i can make it to hold Ni's hand. I choke as i let out sob after sob. I plead for them to help him. To bring him back, I hear the beeping stop but can't seem to focus on anything. My breathing is shallow and i feel as though all the oxygen in the room has disappeared. The room is going dark but all i can think is 'please don't let him die'.

A few seconds later, someone is crouching next to me, hand on my back. The voice eventually comes into focus.

"-thing is okay. Control Your breathing. You are okay. I'm right here Harry"  
"The voice comes into focus and i pin it as the other nurse - Louis. He helps me up and guides me to the chair near Nialls bed. I see a new bruise forming on the inside of his wrist where they have put another needle.

 

A few days later Niall stops breathing again, and my world once again comes crashing down, only to be rebuilt on pillars of sand.

 

When Niall comes around, he asks me to bring his laptop in. I take my phone and drive to his house. His father Bobby answers the door, looking fresh as a daisy and like he's never had a bad nights sleep in his life.

"Harry" He says.  
"I came for Ni's laptop" i say harshly. I hold his stare and ball my fists at my sides. How dare he, stand there with out a care in the world while his son is dying.

 

I remember the day Niall was first ill. We had been dating 5 months and were cuddled in his bed making out. I was on my back, with Niall sat on my stomach leaning over me. He pinned my arms to the bed above my head. It was rather amusing considering the size difference. I could easily over power him, but decide not to.

"Oh no, What am i gonna do now?" i gasp.  
"Your acting is shit" He laughs.

I pulled my hands free and link them behind his head, forcing him down to kiss me. I licked my way into his mouth and we made out for a couple of minutes, before needing air.

He adjusted so he's sat over my right thigh and rolled his hips slightly. He thrust against my leg roughly and let out a string of high pitched whines. Rolling his hips for a 1 minute and 12 seconds lead him to cum in his jeans and it was the most beautiful sight ever. Blissed out face, with red cheeks, stiff body that went limp, 30 seconds later. The string of moans and whimpers of my name, was enough to get me close to the edge, and then of course, his dad came in the room.

"Niall work have called me in, i won't be back till early in the morning" He said with a pissed tone.  
"Okay dad" Niall replied, sitting up so he wasn't on top of me anymore.  
"There's £10 in the kitchen for a pizza. I still want you in bed by 10pm"  
"Yeah dad" He mumbled shyly. "Can, erm, can Harry sleep over. Please"  
"I don't-" Bobby started, only to be cut off by Niall.  
"Please dad. Please"  
"Okay. I guess he can sleep over ton-"  
"Thanks dad, You're the best." Niall squeeked, before going to order a pizza and some chips, adjusting his jeans on the way. 

"Tell me you're safe" Bobby sighs.  
"Huh?"  
"Protection. I mean obviously neither of you can get pregnant but there are infections. also, i don't want you rushing my son to-"  
"I would never force him to-" i protested  
"Listen to me. I don't wan you rushing you son to do things he isn't ready for. or that he doesn't wan to do. You need to wait for him to give the all clear." Bobby finished.  
"I wouldn't force or pressure Niall to do anything that he isn't ready for or doesn't want to do. I love him and i don't care if we never have sex. but when he's ready, i'll be here waiting. I'll take care of him and guide him through everything, make sure he understands what's happening. I won't laugh, or make him feel uncomfortable or inadequate. I won't go telling the world all the ins and outs of it. I'm not like that. I know he's your little boy and that you love him, but so do i, and i have no intentions of hurting him." After the little speech/ rant, Bobby gave me a pat on the back so i took that as a sort of blessing. Whoo! 

That night Niall shot out of bed, throwing up on the landing, before making it to the bathroom. I followed him into the bathroom, to see him on his hands and knees, arms resting on the seat as he emptied the contents of his stomach. After washing his mouth out and gargling with mouth wash, i tucked Niall back into bed and got the bleach to clean the landing, before cuddling him and rubbing his tummy softly.

 

I snap back into reality as bobby coughs.  
"You know where it is" he mutters, going to the living room.

I grab the laptop and charger from Nialls room before heading to the front door. I see bobby watching a fooball match and snap.

"I'm talking, you listen" i snap, turning the tv off.  
"Hey i was-"  
"Shut up. You listen. i don't give a shit what kind of issues you think you're having, but i know someone who needs you. The same someone who has been in a hospital bed for the past 2 months. Who has stopped breathing twice in the past week. Who is dying from cancer. I remember when Ni first got ill. It was the night you gave me your blessing to date him. You said you loved him and that he's your little boy. Your world. But you were clearly lying. Because if he was your world. If you did love him. You would be there. Everyday with out fail. You would be holding his hand as he get jabbed with needles and comfort him as he throws up 10 times a day. You'd hold him while he cries because he's lost all of his hair. But you're not. I AM. I am the one who's there through it all. Who holds him while he cries himself to sleep, petrified and begging me not to let him die. I'm 17 years old and more of a man than you will ever be. You say you love him? You don't know the meaning of the word" I finish the rant and storm out. Once safely in my car, i breakdown and cry.

 

After the drive back to the hospital i feel somewhat calmer. I tap lightly on Nialls door and slip inside. I hand him the laptop and he asks me if i'll get him a hot chocolate, i agree as i need a coffee anyway.

The queue is small so, 10 minutes later i am entering Nialls room again. As soon as i go in, i know something is wrong. Niall is crying. I dump the drinks on the side and hold him close, kissing his head.

"What's wrong? Niall, What's wrong?" i ask, franticly checking him over for any visible injuries.  
"I'm just- i'm scared Haz" he cries, clutching my shirt as though it's his last life line.  
"I've got you babe. I'm right here. I promise. I'm not going anywhere"  
"I don't wanna die Harry" he mumbles, and i feel my heart break. I don't want him to die either. it's not fair. if i could swap places with him, i would, with out hesitation. I want to tell him this but I'm afraid if I open my mouth, ill throw up, so i just kiss his head.

I kiss his head and he snuggles into my chest. I whisper 'I love you' over and over, until he falls asleep.

The last thing i hear before i fall asleep is Niall say 'I wanted to marry you'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo.....Comments? Ideas?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have plenty of tissues!!

Harry P.O.V

19th February 2016. 12:37 pm. Niall is declared dead.

The nurses take turns to try and revive him, but 6 minutes later Liam calls it, and declares him gone.

19th February 2016. The day heaven gained an angel. The day my baby lost his final battle. The day my heart officially broke.

I'm made to leave the room as they clean it down and clean Nialls body. I'm sat on the blue shitty chairs that hurt your arse and give you back cramps. The corridor is empty as i stare at the uneven floor.

My mum comes to collect me as i was in no state to drive. When i get home, i head upstairs and hide under my duvet.

 

I don't leave my room. More specifically, my bed. Not for school. Not to eat. Only to use the toilet, but even then, i go straight there and straight back.

 

A week after Nialls death, the funeral director comes to visit to make the arrangements. He informed me that Bobby wanted no part it in and passed all decisions over to me, but said by law bobby has to pay for it as niall is under 18. I sat with the director for a few hours, sorting out flowers and a date etc. When he left, i climbed back into bed.

 

I haven't cried.

Since he passed, i haven't cried. Not because i don't feel like it, i physically can't.

 

I remember the day he was diagnosed.

The results came back 6 days after the sick on the landing incident. I went with him to the doctors the next day to get checked as he was complaining of chest pains and after finding a lump he referred him for an immediate scan. It all happened so fast. One minute he was fine. The next they were taking blood and rubbing gel on his chest. The next, there was a consultant naming a rare form of cancer and saying that it's terminal as they haven't been able to cure it yet.

I thought she was lying, or mistaken, but she mentioned some symptoms, Dizziness, Vomiting, loss of weight, Tiredness. That was the day we were told Niall had cancer.

 

I'm sat in my room staring at the floor when i remember Niall has some photos of us on his laptop. I browse through them, smiling as i see our happy faces.

We are smiling, laughing, kissing, without a care in the world.

I keep looking for around 20 minutes, remembering the day each picture was taken.

Then i come across a video. My finger hovers over the play button. I brace myself and press play.

 

Nialls face pops up on the screen. He is wearing a pale pink shirt and blue shorts, i can just make out the hospital bed he is sat on.

"Hey Haz. If you're watching this then it means i must have died. I know how much you tried to be there for me and you were. You were amazing. You are amazing. Thank you for being there.

I love you so much Harry and i wish i could stay with you, get married, adopt a kid or two, but i can't. Everyone is on a journey. Like a boat ride. we all have our own paths and destinations to follow, at our own pace. Sometimes it changes direction, or speed. But sometimes, the boat doesn't make it. For whatever reason, they're could be a leak or a malfunction or something else that causes it to stop. That's what happened to me. I was on a boat that was just not meant to make it. Everyone's journey ends at some point right? Mine just came before yours. But i'm glad i stopped first. I wouldn't have been strong enough to keep going. Not with out you." I feel the tear finally falling down my face as Niall continues.

"I need you to pay attention to what i'm about to say. It's really important. I know at the moment you don't want to. and that right now, you'll be looking at me confused and scared, but i need you to promise me something." "No" I cry. "Promise me Harry, Say i promise" I shake my head. "Harry. please, say i promise" Niall whispers, eyes pleading me. "Okay princess, i promise" i sob.

A few seconds later Niall continues "Thank you. I want you to move on. Don't get angry, you said you would listen. I love you more than life itself and i want, no, i need you to be happy. When you're ready to move on, or meet someone who sparks an interest or you look at someone and think 'who is that person' i want you to go for it.

I need you to know that even though i'm not there, you aren't alone. Ill always be with you emotionally and in your memories, but you're only 17, go and meet people. And before you say you can't, you already promised" I curse under my breath and let out a choked sob.

"It's a bit weird dying. Like baring the tests, it's not painful. The only real indication of how longs left is how tired i feel. Each day i get more tired. That's what tells me i don't have long left.

I hope you smashed you GCSE's and i don't know whether to be glad or gutted that i didn't get to sit mine. They sound scary. I think i might have been okay though. You could have helped me study and made notes together, but hey, i guess that doesn't matter now.

I need to hurry with this because you only nipped to get me a hot chocolate, so you'll be back soon. I love you more that anything and i wish i could stay and help you fight your battles like you helped me me fight mine" Tears fall down both our faces, i move my hand instinctively to wipe the tears from Nialls face, before realising, it's only a video.

Iv'e spoken to the big boss up stairs in heaven and don't worry, i'm saving you a spot right next to me. But i don't want to see you up here for a very long time, you hear. You have far too many memories to create.

If i could fly, i'd be coming right back home to you because you are my landing light that scares away the monsters"

I want you to remember something for me. Well two things actually. The first is that I love you, always have and always will. and the second is, that, life is like the monkey bars, in order to go anywhere, you have to be brave enough to let go, otherwise the only place you can go, is down.

I love you to the stars and back,

Bye Hazza"

 

The screen goes black

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at naming stuff, hence the chapters don't have individual titles :/
> 
> Feedback is loved!!
> 
> Not sure how this chapter went, but i tried :(


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :'(

A week later was the day of the funeral.

24th February 2016. Exactly one year since Niall and i made it official.

 

I'm dressed in a black suit and fancy shoes as i look out at the 9 people who have bothered to say goodbye. My mother being one of them. Among the faces i see, Liam, Louis and Zayn, guess they weren't joking about coming to say goodbye. Bobby isn't here. i didn't think he would be.

"I'm Harry. Niall is my boyfriend. Well, was my boyfriend. I don't want to tell you all how amazing he is because you don't know him, not like i do. did. So, my speech is for my boy." i say, the first few tears falling. I turn and look at the coffin.

"Hello baby, this will probably be the worst speech ever because i have no idea what to say. So, you're just going to have to lie there and listen to me ramble on about how much i love you, okay? Good.

When i fist met you, i was, overwhelmed by how beautiful you were, so full of life and happiness that it was a little worrying to be honest. I remember everything Ni, from your laugh, to your eyes, to your smile. The way you got so frustrated when you couldn't do something; how you used to tip the butter tub upside down to connect it to the lid rather than putting the lid on top. I remember our first kiss, our first date, our first time. I remember how worried you were that you wouldn't be good enough because you didn't know what to do, but you were perfect. I will never forget how beautiful you looked, how beautiful you've always looked." More tears fall from my eyes as a i scrunch them together in a failed attempt to keep them in.

 

"I know you said you want me to move on but i don't think i can, it's your voice i want to hear last thing at night and first thing when i wake up. It's you i want cuddling me so tight in bed that i can't roll over. It's you i want to whisper that it's dark and make me get up to plug in the night light. Not anyone else. Truth is, i wouldn't have done any of that for anyone else. Nor would i have stuck glow in the dark stars to the ceiling in my bedroom so that you wouldn't be scared.

I think of you everyday. Every moment of everyday. I never realised how big and cold my single bed is, until i went from sharing it with you, to being on my own. I love you so much babe and i promise you, that will never change. It's strange, because, i never believed in soulmates and fate, but you are both to me, you are my best friend and i have no idea how the Hell, i am supposed to function with out you." I choke out.

 

"I know that if i wrote your name in the sky, it would fade. If i wrote it in the sand, the sea would wash it away. But i don't need to do either of these because, your name is written in my heart with a permanent marker and no amount of scrubbing it clean or alcohol will erase it. But i don't want it to. because that writing is a representation of you and i'm scared if the name fades, the memories will too, and i can't have that.

You remind me of a bar of gold, hard to get hold of, but once you have it, you aren't letting go. Of all the people i have and will ever meet, you are the one i won't forget. I never used to believe in god, i know you always have, but i didn't. Until i met you. Then you were diagnosed with terminal cancer and i thought, there can't be a god. Because no-one in their right mind would ever make someone as perfect as you ill. But now it's clicked. He chose you because he needed another angel to watch over the vulnerable. You made me give everything a new perspective - and made me use fancy words. But i believe in him. Because i know that he made you for me, he made you for me to love because he knew i would love you the most. He chose you out of everyone else because he knew you were the best for me. The best full stop.

I'm rambling now but i can't help it. I have so much to say to you and it's not fair. I don't want you to go. Not yet. This is the reason i decided years ago to keep the door locked. If it was locked, i could never get hurt right. Getting your heart broken looked so painful and i didn't think that love was worth the pain. It is though. Definitely worth it. So i locked the door and threw away the key to avoid temptation. They you came into my life, and i wanted to find the key, i wanted to let you in, but i couldn't find it. That's when you held out your hand for me to hold and i saw the key. The key to my heart. You had it all along." I stop speaking to wipe away tears, turning to glance around the room at the 9 people there, i don't see a dry eye in the room. I turn back to face Niall.

 

"If a kiss was a raindrop, i'd send you niagra flls. if a hug was a second, i'd never let go. If happiness was measured in chocolate, i'd buy you a factory. If love was a person, i'd send you me. When you fall in love, you get hurt. When you get hurt, you hate. When you hate, you want to forget. When you forget, you start missing. When you start missing you feel lonely. When you feel lonely, you fall in love again. I guess, that's why i locked my door

When we met you told me that i should 'Love the light as it shows me the way, but if i endure the darkness, it will show me the stars'. I never understood it. Why would you endure something that scares you? Then it hit me, the light will show me where i am and where i'm going. But in order to see the real beauty of something, you have to be willing to look in the darkness as well.

 

I know you used to hate going swimming with me. Mainly because you never learnt how to so we had to stay in the shallow end. You always came with me anyway. Saying that you like spending time with me. I used to love watching you dance and competing in national dance competitions. You won so many times, and even the couple of times you didn't place, you were a winner to me. I would never have to confidence or co-ordination to be a cheerleader. I remember when you first told me you were a dancer, you were scared because you thought i'd laugh. I promised you i wouldn't and to this say, i have never laughed at any of your hobbies.

 

I miss you already and it's barely been a week since you left and i have never felt so alone. My mum gave me a cuddle this morning, and basically, all the time since you left, but i have never felt more alone. I don't eat. I CAN'T sleep. I haven't been to school since you left and haven't left my bedroom since, well, you know.

School is useless anyway. They don't teach you this at school. How to cope with the death of your best friend. How to live with out the one you love. How to rebuild your life when it's been smashed to pieces. But hey, as long as you can do trigonometry and find the value of X, they all is good in the world." I turn to face the people listening to my speech, the ones who bothered to come and say goodbye to my boyfriend. Wiping a few tears away from my face, i then turn back to my babe.

 

"I don't want you to go, i'm not ready. I don't think i ever will be. but please don't leave me. Just come back and hug me. kiss me. Laugh at me for being soft. Shout at me. Do something i-" I choke on my own tears as my knees buckle and i fall to the floor in a pile. "Just please don't leave me" i whisper. I cry into my hands and after a couple of minutes i scrub my hands over my face.

 

"I got to keep your phone. I call it. Just, so i can hear your voice on the voice mail. Let me play it" I shuffle to grab mine and Nialls phones out of my pocket. I use mine to call his and put it on speaker. After 8 rings it goes to voicemail and Niallers chirpy voice beams through the speaker "Helloooooooo, hehehe, It's Niall 'ere an i'm sorry i can't answer the phone right now but i'm probably busy, or asleep. Or with Harry, so if it's urgent, call him. If this is Harry, i'm really sorry i haven't answered the phone but i'll call you back ASAP and i love you to the stars and back. Catch yah later!" Nialls voice ends and the call goes dead.

"Happy anniversary. you fought till the end princess and i am so proud of you. If i had to choose between breathing and loving you, i'd use my last breath to say, i love you. I love you to the stars and back" The last tear drops from my left eye and lands on the wooden floor.

 

After the funeral i go straight home, i don't want to 'socialise' at the wake. I do thank Liam, Louis and Zayn for attending and my mum thanks the other 5 people.

 

Another week later, my mum recommends counseling. She says she is 'concerned' with my weight loss and only sleeping. I shoot down the idea insisting that i am 'okay'. To be honest, i am okay. considering i have lost the only person i ever have and ever will be in love with, i'm good. I still feel numb, but i've come to realise that he isn't coming back. I am gutted and would do literally anything to see him again, even for just a minute.

But he's at peace. He isn't suffering anymore. And that means more to me than having the chance to grow old with him. He isn't suffering, and although i miss him, knowing he is finally free from pain makes me realise, there is a god.

 

He let Niall stay with me for as long as possible, before he needed Nialls help. Then, my nialler had to go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Opinions????

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter
> 
> Feedback is appreciated!
> 
> First Fic i have written so i hope you like it :)
> 
> I do not own or know any member of 1D. This is purely a fan fiction.


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